... and it was tiring. This is my first time. I stayed away the past ten years because I had other priorities. But there's no stopping me now. Nothing's going to stop me from joining: not the strong rain that poured over the entire metropolis and still imprisoned the city heat that no sudden storm can't seem to drive away; not the theme of the collection that is so morbid and questionable as a source of inspiration, makes me wonder if the poems won't find their way into the garbage bin within seconds; not the change of office location that is so out of everyone's way, mostly accessible by cab or car; definitely not the dizziness that blighted me while i traversed a section of Makati by foot, and hummed the road to Taguig with a dilapidated vehicle.
I don't want to win - not with this collection. I'm just testing the pool. If ever I place then this must have been a weak year. I'd rather celebrate the winning pieces with my anonymity, my nobody status still intact.
Why join without the desire to win? I don't know. I probably relish being a nameless statistic. My objective was for my collection to be read. My objective was to scare. I hope my works will inch their way into the nightmares of the judges.
I won't wait for September 1 with great intent. The news will definitely come, but I want it to be as if it's just plain, ordinary news - nothing that will quake my disposition - like my name appearing in the roster. I will have none of it. It won't make me hungrier. And I want to be hungry.
