So I Live

So I live.

I have dreamt
better dreams
for myself,
my precious
miniscule
existence
plow through this
confused world
unknowing
what it wants
to become.


For my life
of missed chances
have remained
like a long
bucket list
of things left
unfinished,
cathedrals
of mountains
unconquered,
victories
unachieved.


Who ever
have been most
uncertain
about paths
and crossroads,
directions
to turn to
can ask me
"which wrong star
have you been
following?
How winding
has your path
taken you?"


I'll show him
countless stars
which I can't
decide on;

I'll show him
the far track
I have trekked
and tell him
"there, my story
loops around,
rarely straight,
sketch of lines
like brambles,
too much time
thinking twice,
diversions,
too much sin."



If ever
he reflects
the same sad
subduedness
that he holds 
in the glum
fogged landscape
not knowing
where to turn,
I'll tell him
"Now, watch me,
a confused
weaver of
my story.
Don't repeat.
The world needs
a creature
of lessons
for caution,
so I live."



(Note to self.  Check back on this after a year.  See if it still holds up.)